God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
