ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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