I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
