Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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