if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
