physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
