I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
