Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize