sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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