If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
that is very illegal...i love you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
