i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
