what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
