end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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