I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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