i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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