and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
