pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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