i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
