new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
