my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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