Define "chronic" masturbator.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize