I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
