my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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