I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
