She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
