I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
