Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
