Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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