you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
