My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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