i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
