I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
