It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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