: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
