he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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