the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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