dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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