Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
