Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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