well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
