stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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