we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we made out on top of his cat.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize