I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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