I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
