Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize