MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
