I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
