yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
