i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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