just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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