But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
