My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
