oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you never un-have a 4some
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
