I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
