I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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