I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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