just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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