That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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