nut hugger
I am puke
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize