Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
