One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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