At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
