Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
