Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
