I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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