i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
