Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize