Too much gin, very little bucket
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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