How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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