Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
