out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
