You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
