all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
