You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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