i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
