trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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