The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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