i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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