Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
