Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
