i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
