I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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