Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
