Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
