Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh god it's open bar.
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