apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
