apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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