I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
