Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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