Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
