I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
