u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
