Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
