I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
