My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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