she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
