Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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