i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
