According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
