Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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