Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
