we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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