Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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