Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize