Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
