ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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