i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
