My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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