i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
