I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
