you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
