from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
