I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
