thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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