I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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