Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my poor anus
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
