you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
