apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
