not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
