She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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