I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize