Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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