i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize