moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
