defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When are your genitals available?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
